Love's Fool
by Osbian Night
Summary: Buffy starts having feelings for someone new and it's not someone who the original Scoobies approve of. My retake of Buffy, starting with Fool for Love.
1. Chapter 1

Death was such a major part of my life that I had always wondered what my death would be like.

Would it be quick? Would it be slow? Would I be all alone or would all my friends be there? I figured that it would most likely be painful but part of me thought I would be grateful. I would finally be able to rest and no one could wake me up from it.

There were, however, two things that I was certain on though.

One: I would never have a normal death. I wouldn't die in my sleep or be killed by some illness. That was for the people I protected. I was doomed to be killed by something that most people didn't know even existed or thought were just part of some myth or story. My life wasn't normal because I spent night after night killing things so others could live so why should my death be any different.

And two: I would die young. I wasn't going to live to old age or even mid life. I had had an expiry date placed on me the day that I was called. I had already been used up once but thanks to the intervention of my friends I was still here but the date hadn't gone. I had been living on borrowed time, just filing it up till my approaching end.

I had always wondered how I was going to die but nothing prepared me for this. Nothing.


	2. Fool For Love

Spike strode silently out of the bushes, clutching a gun to his side. He was determined to end it. End the cause of all his problems. End Buffy Summers. What she said to him was the last straw. He had spent over a century trying prove that he wasn't beneath anyone and for her to say he was brought out all those feelings of unworthiness, of uncertainty and of being an outsider up to the for front of his mind.

He was not going to take it.

Buffy was sitting on the porch steps with her head in her hands struggling not to cry too loudly so her mom and sister couldn't hear her. The sound of a cocking gun made her snap her head up.

"What do you want now?" she demanded, trying to keep her voice steady. She couldn't even bring herself to care that Spike was holding a gun; she had other things to get her head around like her mom's potential illness. She just wanted to be left alone so she didn't have to be the strong one.

The vampire was about to pull the trigger but the sight of her face marred with tears made all his anger disappear. He could see all the pain in her soul and couldn't stand it. Part of him was worried by the fact that she didn't care that he was holding a gun but figured she thought he wouldn't use it. After all the chip in his head made it painful to even point an unloaded gun, let alone use one. In that moment she looked nothing like the woman who had thwarted his every plan or the confident teenager she was when they first met. At that moment she looked like a scared little girl and it was somewhat shocking to the former Scourge of Europe to realize that that was exactly what she was. She was only nineteen with not much prospects of living much longer. Spike tried not to think on why that thought made a lump form in his throat.

"What's wrong?" he asked while attempting to sound unconcerned. Buffy lowered her eyes and turned her head.

"I don't want to talk about it," she answered, too tired to lie but not willing to say it out loud yet. Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself and she felt like if she just let go then she would fall apart. Spike lowered the gun and just looked at her. He had no idea what to say, it wasn't really something he was used to. Making people feel better.

"Is there something I can do?" he queried after a long pause. Buffy didn't answer. There was nothing that anyone could do. There was nothing even she could do and that was what scared Buffy most. She was always the one who saved everyone and yet she couldn't' even save her own mom.

Spike could see that thoughts were swirling through her mind, and not exactly pleasant ones, so, after a moment's hesitation, sat down next to her, settling the gun on the porch. Tentatively he patted her back. He wanted to comfort her but he didn't know how. He had no idea what the situation was and how did you comfort someone you used to try and kill?

Lowering his hand he couldn't help but feel his unbeating heart break for her. Her lip was quivering and it was clear she was trying to hold in the tears. Since he knew there was nothing he could do he just sat there, being her silent pillar of support.

Silence filled the air between them. It wasn't awkward or strange but it did veil all the things that were left unsaid between the two. Buffy was trying to build up the courage to tell Spike what was wrong. It was hard. Spike made it easier by not expecting anything from her. He just let her be and that was just what Buffy needed just then.

"My mom. sh...she's sick," the girl eventually stuttered out. She didn't think she could bare to get out what exactly was wrong so instead added- "She's going to the hospital for a CAT scan."

Spike felt his blood freeze at that. Joyce was a nice lady who always treated him right even after all the history he had with her daughter. His mind instantly went back to when he was human. His mother had been really sick. So much so that when he had become a vampire he turned her so that she could be healthy again. It still stung to think about that so he focused back on Buffy. Seeing her distress he pulled her close to him and just held her.

Buffy risked a glance up at his face and was surprised at what she saw. Instead of the unbearable pity she expected to see on his face she saw understanding. It was a relief to her. It was one of the things she was scared about for when she had to tell her friends. She couldn't stand her friends watching her, waiting for her to break down. She dropped her head and looked back out into the night.

"I don't know what to do," she confessed. It was somewhat easier not looking at him as she said this. It made it feel less like she was showing weakness to someone but part of her needed to be told what to do. What to do to make it all better. "I'm trying to just push it to the back of my mind..."

"But then you remember and you have to go find somewhere you can be alone to let it all out," the vampire interrupted, shocking Buffy. Spike was remembering his time as William. Whenever he saw his mother coughing up blood he would put on a brave face for her and then at night, when he was alone in his room, he would let the facade fall. Usually the only way he could release his emotions then was through his poetry, now it was through a good brawl. Buffy's head snapped up to his.

"How...?" Buffy questioned, completely surprised by his perceptiveness. A smirk formed on his lips.

"That's for me to know and you to hopefully never find out," he teased making her smile slightly. The two stared at each other. Each finally seeing the other, seeing things they never noticed was there. A noise from inside the house broke the moment.

"I should probably go in..." she said looking hesitant. She would rather not move. She felt comfortable by his side, like nothing was expected of her, she could just be herself. He nodded and they both reluctantly got up. Buffy turned to go in.

"Hey, Slayer," Spike called out making her look back at him. "Keep all this to yourself, ya? Got a reputation to keep after all."

"Right back at ya," she replied with a smile then walked inside.


End file.
